(If you can read this- it doesn't pertain to you.)
Tonight I went out to pick up a few things at the story. As everyone was waiting for me outside- I was in a bit of a hurry. Sadly, I got behind YOU in line. Now, I am having to write this post just for you, and those like you who clearly need the advice.
If you must break the law and enter my country illegally- please do us all a favor and at least take the time to learn two words. That's all I am asking. Learn two English words. It's not that hard. I promise. Years ago, and well even yesterday I would have demanded that you learn the whole English language- but this is a kinder gentler me. And I just want you to learn two. It's not really to benefit me. It's to help out the poor 16 year old girl at the register, who has not ever heard anyone with even a southern accent- let alone a complete foreigner- talk.
You see, when the girl behind the register attempts to scan something at nine o'clock at night, and it doesn't scan- she's left with asking you- you the illegal alien who snuck in to the US without learning even a single word of English- what the price of the bottle of liquor was. There is no stock boy at nine o'clock at night to go do a price check, and the girl behind the register can not leave her post. So see, she HAS to ask you.
The girl behind the register grew up around here. She's been raised calling soda "pop" and sometimes might slip a ya'll in there instead of you all. When she says something is darling- you can be sure that the "g" is at the end. Because, that's just how it is done around here. It's not that they don't teach our kids other languages- it's just that our kids don't really expect to ever hear them, so they ignore the lessons. So, when she asks about the price, and you say "non speka englay", she's gives you that confused look- because she has no idea what you are saying. So, she asks again if you know the price of the bottle of liquor that you want to buy. And again you say "non englay"... and the girl- she's really confused. This goes on for a few minutes- all the while MY family is waiting outside for me. So, when I finally say "NO ENGLISH, he speaks NO ENGLISH" and you say "yea yea non englay"... I just want to slap you. And, the girl behind the register caught the "yea" part- so she's wondering why you understood what I said and yet she can't make head nor tail of what you are saying. Thankfully, the man behind me could speak English and must have seen that I was about to give you a nice lesson in the fine art of English cursing- because he went and found the price to the liquor you were buying.
Even now, you say "non speka englay". Well, okay "non" isn't really a complete word, especially the way you say it. Don't get me started on the "speka" part. And "englay" well, just what the hell is an englay? E N G L I S H, remove the "lay" and add "lish". It's not that freaking hard. Do you know that even after I left the poor girl behind the register was still confused? They just might have to medicate her in order to ease her now troubled mind. And really, the last thing we need is more American kids on drugs.
You've wasted five minutes of my life I will never be able to get back. So please- the next time you decide to illegally enter a country by illegally sneaking over the border, at least have the respect to learn how to tell people that you were too damn lazy to learn the entire language- by at least learning to say "no English"- just make sure you say it in reference to what ever country you are in. And, please before you send money you made working illegally in the United States back to whatever country you came from in order to sneak more illegal aliens in- make sure that those who are following you up here can say those two required words also. That's all I am asking.
"No English"- you're living it, you might as well learn to say it.
Categories: Misc,
Tonight I went out to pick up a few things at the story. As everyone was waiting for me outside- I was in a bit of a hurry. Sadly, I got behind YOU in line. Now, I am having to write this post just for you, and those like you who clearly need the advice.
If you must break the law and enter my country illegally- please do us all a favor and at least take the time to learn two words. That's all I am asking. Learn two English words. It's not that hard. I promise. Years ago, and well even yesterday I would have demanded that you learn the whole English language- but this is a kinder gentler me. And I just want you to learn two. It's not really to benefit me. It's to help out the poor 16 year old girl at the register, who has not ever heard anyone with even a southern accent- let alone a complete foreigner- talk.
You see, when the girl behind the register attempts to scan something at nine o'clock at night, and it doesn't scan- she's left with asking you- you the illegal alien who snuck in to the US without learning even a single word of English- what the price of the bottle of liquor was. There is no stock boy at nine o'clock at night to go do a price check, and the girl behind the register can not leave her post. So see, she HAS to ask you.
The girl behind the register grew up around here. She's been raised calling soda "pop" and sometimes might slip a ya'll in there instead of you all. When she says something is darling- you can be sure that the "g" is at the end. Because, that's just how it is done around here. It's not that they don't teach our kids other languages- it's just that our kids don't really expect to ever hear them, so they ignore the lessons. So, when she asks about the price, and you say "non speka englay", she's gives you that confused look- because she has no idea what you are saying. So, she asks again if you know the price of the bottle of liquor that you want to buy. And again you say "non englay"... and the girl- she's really confused. This goes on for a few minutes- all the while MY family is waiting outside for me. So, when I finally say "NO ENGLISH, he speaks NO ENGLISH" and you say "yea yea non englay"... I just want to slap you. And, the girl behind the register caught the "yea" part- so she's wondering why you understood what I said and yet she can't make head nor tail of what you are saying. Thankfully, the man behind me could speak English and must have seen that I was about to give you a nice lesson in the fine art of English cursing- because he went and found the price to the liquor you were buying.
Even now, you say "non speka englay". Well, okay "non" isn't really a complete word, especially the way you say it. Don't get me started on the "speka" part. And "englay" well, just what the hell is an englay? E N G L I S H, remove the "lay" and add "lish". It's not that freaking hard. Do you know that even after I left the poor girl behind the register was still confused? They just might have to medicate her in order to ease her now troubled mind. And really, the last thing we need is more American kids on drugs.
You've wasted five minutes of my life I will never be able to get back. So please- the next time you decide to illegally enter a country by illegally sneaking over the border, at least have the respect to learn how to tell people that you were too damn lazy to learn the entire language- by at least learning to say "no English"- just make sure you say it in reference to what ever country you are in. And, please before you send money you made working illegally in the United States back to whatever country you came from in order to sneak more illegal aliens in- make sure that those who are following you up here can say those two required words also. That's all I am asking.
"No English"- you're living it, you might as well learn to say it.
Categories: Misc,
Comments
no polliveau francais
no habla espaniol and
nien benschke deutch
Thanks for the chuckle.
M. Sheldon
"No English"- you're living it, you might as well learn to say it."