Fellow blogger Chrys over at Pettifog forwarded this my way, and all I could do is sit back and shake my head while I read it. I'm not sure what is sadder, the fact that I've already admitted being from the town that the story originates from... or the fact that I didn't even see the story until she sent it.
Before I start on how prison is suppose to be a punishment, not a girl scouts meeting- let me say that I know the importance of having a father in a child's life. And I would never support any actions that would prevent that- unless it was in the best interest of the child. Some people do not have the basic gene in their brain that alerts them that their actions will effect their children. Girls having to visit their fathers in prison is sad. I know, they are attempting to "normalize" something that is not normal. And I see where their intentions are good. But, sometimes the best laid intentions create the biggest problems in the end.
When you take impressionable children and put them in environment which "normalizes" the fact that someone is in jail, it sort of removes the evidence that being in jail is not normal. Is not acceptable, and should not be "rewarded". The fact that one of these girls goes so far as to tell her dad to call her, and appears to not realise that he is in jail- is just said.
Now, we have this 5 year old not understanding that her father is in jail, and thinking he's just at college. Nice. Because after all, it sounds so much better, and hey, why not lie to children. Why not allow them to believe the lies even as we force them to play into them... I'm sure this 5 year old child will be delighted when she grows up to know that not only is her dad liar and a criminal, but all those special visits to his college were actually 2 hours spent behind prison walls
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Categories: Misc,
Lugging boxes filled with sandwiches, Hawaiian Punch, potato chips and sashes bearing merit badges, the girls file into a linoleum-floored visiting room on Wednesday afternoon. They range in age from 6 to 12; they are in shorts and purple Girl Scout T-shirts, in tennis shoes and ankle socks, their hair bouncing in pony tails, swept back with headbands, tied with sparkling barrettes.
Their dads — most of them imprisoned for drug trafficking, serving sentences ranging from 36 months to 18 years — hang back for a few heartbeats, adjusting to an abrupt shift in reality. They have just been strip-searched before being allowed to change into identical polo shirts and khaki trousers, rewards for good behavior and participating in this program.
Before I start on how prison is suppose to be a punishment, not a girl scouts meeting- let me say that I know the importance of having a father in a child's life. And I would never support any actions that would prevent that- unless it was in the best interest of the child. Some people do not have the basic gene in their brain that alerts them that their actions will effect their children. Girls having to visit their fathers in prison is sad. I know, they are attempting to "normalize" something that is not normal. And I see where their intentions are good. But, sometimes the best laid intentions create the biggest problems in the end.
When you take impressionable children and put them in environment which "normalizes" the fact that someone is in jail, it sort of removes the evidence that being in jail is not normal. Is not acceptable, and should not be "rewarded". The fact that one of these girls goes so far as to tell her dad to call her, and appears to not realise that he is in jail- is just said.
Dwayne, 36, is serving three years for drug possession. His daughter, 5-year-old Autumn, is a Daisy scout and the youngest troop member. She's gone to visit relatives on vacation and is not here today. Dwayne looks forlorn, alone at a table of chattering girls and their fathers.
But he smiles when he talks about activities at the meetings. "I like the sewing part," he says, and the other cons nod in agreement and grin sheepishly. "I look forward to it."
He has not told his daughter why he is in prison. "I just told her I was going to college." But Autumn doesn't miss much, even at age 5.
"Every time she walks out that door, she turns to me and says "Call me. We'll talk later."' And Dwayne convulses in laughter. "Like she the parent. Like she the one paying the bills."
Now, we have this 5 year old not understanding that her father is in jail, and thinking he's just at college. Nice. Because after all, it sounds so much better, and hey, why not lie to children. Why not allow them to believe the lies even as we force them to play into them... I'm sure this 5 year old child will be delighted when she grows up to know that not only is her dad liar and a criminal, but all those special visits to his college were actually 2 hours spent behind prison walls
.
Categories: Misc,
Comments
The girls are spending two hours, with their father, on activities focused solely on them. That is probably more attention than they could expect from the man on the outside. So for two hours a month, they have an attentive father. Maybe not the best father, but at least a father.
And instead of sitting at home, building fantasies about the "tough" guy they call Dad, they see first hand what prison is like. And how Dad conforms and answers to the guards. Instead of prison being "romanticized" in their mind, it is reality.
Studies have shown, that a kid whose parent is in a long term prison sentence, has a higher risk of being incarcerated themselves, eventually. Something has to break that cycle. If a little attention from Daddy might help, then it is worth a try.
As a side benefit, if Daddy leans to really see and bond with his child, maybe that will give him more incentive not to reoffend when he gets out.
JMO
If they feel this program is important, then they should be truthful in explaining where they are, and WHY they are there.
Deceiving and straight out lying to a child is not something that benefits that child.